Nothings..

Busy days continue...days of anticipation continue....days of the "hang in there" kind continue....and but last weekend was different. Slight overdose of socializing but nice however. Played in fresh, crisp snow while walking to office Friday early morning, snow fights on the way to Louises for a triple cheese Ravioli lunch, after a short day at work- hurled snow balls on a friend who was shoveling and threw snow into another's car...for asking if I wanted a ride home. Filled Saturday with cooking, eating a good lunch and chit chatting in Plaza Hotel over hot tea and spicy Indian snacks for the cold weather. Also caught up with some efiles implementation action scene at office :) Sunday- a very young man preached in church- very young and very vivacious, spirit filled- it moved everybody. After a power packed service dropped into a birthday party at Yankee- one of those good old Milwaukee get togethers...a late grand desi lunch, played games, clicked pictures, cleaned up and left with the singles and "virtually singles". Caught up with another friend that evening, had a brief time conversing generally, drove to UWM campus, hit the pool tables- fared pathetic as usual. I never understand how they cut and pocket at an angle. My friend was a shark. Back at home Sunday night with a smile.

Sometimes new company can be refreshing. Try it. And I saw 2 pictures....one message comes to my mind.

Whether the day is a pristine lake or a raging sea- take it as it comes- make waves in the middle of the sea or sail it smooth and hit the shore.

Today's fortune

I logged into Orkut today after some 90 odd days- and there was a fortune waiting there “You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier”. I chuckled and thought what’s next!! Was that a need of the hour message???!! It’s been close to 90 days since I hit my own blog :-) Changes, changes, changes as usual- haven’t I fallen in love with change! New project, new weather, new place, new friends, new music system, new mobile- nice, nice, nice! But u know change comes with a pinch- and doesn’t it hurt at times?!! That’s what it is- “Passing a difficult test towards happier times”! Bangalore to Milwaukee, 14 hour days, 8:00 am meetings, 6 hrs sleep, virtually single ;-)), loans, setting up a new house, tearing it down and so on….that’s the summary of my last 90 days! We all have these times- and without it, isn’t life so tasteless and bland like a piece of “boiled chicken”! Actually I took today off from work- thanks to a headache- nevertheless the latter part of the day was blessed!!! Refreshing bath, some steaming hot rice for the cold weather outside, browsed aimlessly for hours, got thro my laundry et all – above all- got to do “nothing”.

Sometimes I feel weird just looking at life’s game. One side of the spectrum there are few women- living a fairy tale life- working, married, happy times, lovely kids, nice house, nice car- everything seems hunky dory…(and when I say this to Pramod- he simply remarks everyone has their pie of problem…wonder how men can be so different!! – they must really be from Mars!)….on the other side of the spectrum I see divorced women, single moms, moms without jobs, women with family but dying of cancer and more. Maybe that’s what it is- a mixed bag of white and black balls- beds of roses and thorns. Some battle with various things, some almost cake walk their lives. Bittersweet times, good times, difficult times- all happen to people around us and us- they make our inner self more beautiful- and teach a lesson- to be more strong and tough to oneself- and to show more love to others- to talk to them, listen to them, help them even just get thro a day. So fortune or not- we are moving somewhere- happy or unhappy- learning something. I was mentioning to one of my good girl friends the other day- I seem to have crossed the mid-life crisis stage and feel different. I don’t feel the happy go lucky type girl anymore- but looking forward to maybe something called “womanhood”- maybe am willing to take this change and move on with “the force” supporting me in every step of life like it has always been. Putting down few lines from a song- "Day by Day" (Point Of Grace).

Somebody told me I could travel the world

To find beauty, to find beauty

But to behold it I would have to carry it

Within me, yeah well it's in me

'Cause day by day, You're coming closer

Making our way clearer and straighter

Turning our faces into the Light

And I can't wait to fall at Your glory

On my face, God of the morning

You're coming closer day by day

Fortunes, falling stars, wishes, dreams, hopes, fortune cookies, lucky charms, talismans, astrology.com - wow!! So many ways to assure that “things will be fine”. Good or bad- highs or lows- next time you break your fortune cookie – close your eyes and see the beauty coming through and laugh your way adding the “** ***” words to your fortune message!

Life Products

Picture of the present Life Products offshore team...inclusive of App support, NIS team, EB team and the Mainframe team for TTVUL. Don't have a picture of the present onsite folks. I guess they are about six in number atleast to what I can recollect of. Nice to see the team grow to this strength...there was a time when the Marketing a.k.a Life Products or rather Life Products a.k.a Marketing was tiny to the extent of 3 at onsite and 1 at offshore. The glory days span from DOS porting projects to C# .Net development on various illustration applications for the client, a renowned Insurance provider at the United States.

Beauty...only skin deep??

It took me a couple visits to the beauty parlor to realize the wonders of Shahnaz Hussain’s acclaimed beauty products. I now trust her product guide completely. She is about Ayurveda being the mantra of rejuvenation…thanks to icons like Shahnaz and many others who not only brought about revolution in the revenues of the cosmetic industry but a bigger boost in morale of thousands of women all over the globe. Look around and you’ll see the numerous parlors…all over the place offering the most pampering services- close to a woman’s heart.

While names like L’Oreal, Lakme, VLCC, and Shahnaz rule the industry in India the countless small names play their own silent part in the revolution. Go into a parlor to realize there’s more than skin deep happening there. There’s usually a facial person, pedicure-manicure-waxing person and a hair expert- just the bare minimum services offered anywhere, anyplace. The synchrony in operation of this team of experts to deliver efficient, fast and quality service is amazing….soft skills, people management, customer delight all act together to complete the show. End result- the customer is not only glowing outward but feels beautiful from within…stress free, with improved confidence and self esteem. They offer treatments for multiple issues that are “really issues” for a girl- acne, dark circles, dry unmanageable hair, tan removal, skin lightening, dandruff, dry feet, pimples, split ends, crow feet, uneven skin tone, scaly skin…name it and they have a solution….! And impart informal knowledge on the effects of clay masks, cucumber, banana nut, orange, mud packs, gold silver pearl facials, veg peels, honey lemon, rose, thermo packs, flower power, egg whites, neem masks and on and on. As more and more women continue to get liberated on the personal, professional front- skin, hair and body care regimen have become an integral part of daily lives.

My exposure is only limited to the salons and parlors…I’ve left the area of spas explored…they seem to be catching up everywhere…a whole world of massages to be unturned. Beauty as a service offering never ceases to excite me. Maybe someday, somewhere, sometime I’ll embark on that journey for a profession…!!

HYD blues n pinks!!!

Been "days" since I've blogged...Before it gets to the "months" stage let me put down a very short post of my last weekend life. Not logged on to Orkut in many weeks :-(( Traveling every Friday somewhere for the weekend and coping with change of weather and water every Sat and Sun has been a challenge. In fact this weekend is just the second weekend am going to be on campus in the last 2 months. Effects of LDR...!!! Last weekend visit to HYD was nice, one more city in South India...didn’t actually get to visit 'tourist attractions' but dropped into the Prasads multiplex...and got a glimpse of the Hussain Sagar. HYD definitely has good infrastructure...but my husband pays 10K for the 2 BHK in Madhapur which is close to 15kms from the lake but 2kms from office. The intra city train system is good...but 2 of the 3 times we decided to take it we were unable to get the train...for various reasons!! It’s a cleaner hotter city with a decent blend of tradition and modernism. And not to mention the significant rocky terrain there...they are currently sand blasting the empty area beside my husband's place to dig out a foundation for an upcoming apartment complex. Food is decent and am a lover of Andhra food...still I was all excited about finding a Kamath Cafe on a hot Sunday afternoon in Secunderabad. In Mangalore I used to frequent Lepakshi big time. 3 wheeler transport system seems more dependable and trustworthy where I can’t speak a syllable of Telegu but an auto in good old Chennai scares me. From the home in Madhapur I get a good view of Oracle and a good night's sleep with the Cyber City view from one window and Satyam office from the other. Sometimes I struggle with sleep here. And my stay for the last weekend ended when I enjoyed a full Monday being a great wife at home. Life’s beautiful peculiarities experienced in a weekend. Yet keeping fingers crossed to put an end to weekend life! Ha, one more idiosyncrasy...!! Am so weird sometimes. I see blues and pinks together in one single place.

Opened Usha's blogs after close to 3 weeks to discover some nice blogs thro' a chain reaction. No time to add them to my page- will just manually put down the links here.

http://way2top.blogsome.com

http://reflections-of-life.blogspot.com

http://rkarthik.blogsome.com

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Suddenly last night I started thinking of girl friends…lying down on my bed in room #366 in the Infy hostels, after watching an edition of the farewell week of F.R.I.E.N.D.S with Oprah…I was alone in the room with a smile on my face enjoying the conversation they had off the sets…good to see the six guys in a non F.R.I.E.N.D.S mode, seated on the famous orange couch in the sets of Central Perk café …Oprah asked Aniston was asked to say a line about each of the guys…she is sitting next to Perry and she says he actually is the funny guy in the group and is known for his subtle remarks off stage as well…she then told Courteney had the most generous heart for anything, a practical person and her very good friend…she next looked at Schwimmer…remarked that it was too hard for her to say anything and yes, eyes were moist. Turning to Oprah, she asked if it was a must…to go through this process. When asked what the favorite scenes were- Courteney said it was the one where she proposes to Chandler and for Schwimmer where he kisses Rachel first. Soon Aniston gathers up and says that Lisa Kudrow is a good comedian actress, she’s learnt a lot from Lisa and LeBlanc is the “big brother” to her for everything. Somewhere in between Aniston also remarked that Rachel and Ross were different people and were another world to her. Btw I just discovered that Ross is listed on Wikipedia as “Dr. Ross Eustace Geller is a fictional character on the popular US television sitcom Friends”. Wikipedia also lists tons of other facts and trivia about the F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the interested fans. Can you believe Courteney, Aniston and Kudrow actually lunched together the last 10 yrs everyday- yeah every single day on a constant meal of cob salad, to which the only variation was few spring onions tossed in on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Just looking at them on the show brought out they were friends in reality and comfortable with each other….talk about what working together for ten long, constant, successful years can do! My favorite character happens to be Rachel totally attributed to her looks and emotions through her beautiful, complicated relationships. Aniston is indeed a beauty born out of the Greek cum Scottish cum Italian blood and happens to be Courteney’s baby girl’s godmother.

Friends, in particular “Girl Friends” started making sense to me after I turned 21…the fact that “they are there to listen” becomes phenomenal at the point when life throws up these real time “circumstances” or “situations” on the face. And that really happens when you are on your own- going through a roller coaster of happenings between the “out of college” phase to the “the married” phase. Maybe am being overtly optimistic in stating just “the married” phase…girl friends are going to go way longer than that and I deliberately stop at the “married phase” here in this post, coz that’s where I stand now. My best girl friend- MOM! But actually writing this para brings to my mind that “this girl friend thing” is brought out better in Sex n the City between Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte….!!! It’s been a while since I enjoyed an episode of Sex n the City- so sometime later on the four independent, self- sufficient New York women. And oh the main thing- Wish everyone out there a HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!! Have a blast this weekend with all your dear and cherished friends.

Andhra Meals and steaming Sizzlers

2 weekends since I left Chennai for Bangalore and life moves on….sometimes I can get crazy and caught on food – this time, the end of my 2 week long stay here- I owe the best memories to Andhra meals from a food court on Infy campus and a veg sizzler from Bombay Blues in Central on M.G road. Basic necessities of life- “food, clothing and shelter”– the three essentials!!! I console myself- being a foodie is not a sin, but gluttony yes!!! And by the way with my tooth and gums returning to normal, I deserve to give a treat to those dead taste buds. My heart says satisfy the taste buds, but mind says it won’t do much good beyond gratifying the tongue :-)

My interaction with Bangalore started on a trip Monday morning to office digesting the traffic on Hosur Road covering a 14 km stretch in 1.5 hrs….and with Bangalore Infy started as the car moved up the spiral parking structure in Electronics City. I normally take a 10 min bus ride to office and see cars parked all over the main road outside the Infy Mangalore office. Struggling with my extra heavy luggage after passing through security check at Gate 6, I checked into the on-campus accommodation at the hostels. After a brief ice-breaker with my room, walked to the IHL area in Bldg 37 right opposite to my room….Shalini came over, picked me up and asked me to occupy a place where some one was on leave…talk about space crunch these days in offices?!! With a Windows 2000 machine that didn’t open Outlook 2003 attachments and a work place with not a phone nor a thrash can, that belonged to someone else, I started work on the good old marketing project (btw, I still don’t have an extension at my desk!). During lunch that day at the Terminal (the new food court) I absorbed and assimilated the Infy campus feeling- which is just over and above stupendous. The Terminal is house to about seven different counters serving Indian to Chinese to Italian to American food, including a pastry shop that baked fresh bread right in front of one’s eyes, a gym, juice point, Microsoft store, Hutch store, Food World, 2 Salons, Strand Book Stall and ICICI bank counter. Right opposite to the Terminal stands a blue pyramid structure surrounded by clear blue water moving to the speed of the breeze- the Media Center. A short walk around the clean, green, crisp campus revealed to me loads of well maintained trees, lawns, palms, water bodies and unique shapely structures where thousands of us banged the keyboards. The building 18 food courts shaped like lotuses not only bring home cost economical home like food and Banana Leaf meals but also serve some rare delicacies like Appam and Bonda soups. In short, the campus offers an excellent ambience for a work place in today’s world- a tranquility that cannot be explained, far from the crowds and woes of a bustling city…and met most of one’s daily material needs.

Last Thursday and Friday, I spent most of my time in an estimation class… mind congested with EIFs, ILFs, DETs, EOs and EQs and all kinds of function point jargon and case studies, I left the class room tired…but the minute I stepped out of the E&R block I started feeling better. There’s a small serene lake right in front of the E&R block…a beautiful green water body, with tiny fishes and little wooden bridges crossing over and a lawn sprawling all around. I sit there for a few minutes and by the time I reach my room, I am relaxed and normal. Certainly there are days I get back with a heavy head and tons of daily operational issues and long running strategic issues both on the work and family front. But the good news is- it takes a short walk across the small and big fountains dancing to various colors, to reach the Terminal for a fresh juice to refresh myself and get ready to move on. I am so in love with this strange stillness and silence around me.

One of these days Ravindra and myself went to the old food court to catch some good rotis and curry…as we were lunching I remarked of the good feelings going through me with this minor move of mine from Mangalore to Bangalore and living on campus for two short months, close to work. As I reached my desk post lunch- I penned this down…“Take each day as it comes, but live it to its fullest and live it to breathe and feel the wind on the face, smiling the smile it brings”.

@Home

I was drenched in sweat when I had completed the previous post….seated on the couch in the large hall of my parents’ house with my t-shirt sticking to my back at 1:00 am with the fan running at a cruel pace. Being in the midst of heat waves and tasting your own sweat doesn’t prove to be a neat experience. Probably this heat is a sign of some upcoming rain and better weather, I promised and consoled myself. But the heat continued and went on and on…for a week almost, through out so many days- it’s not been too pleasant this week, weather apart- owe it to my tooth. 3 days after a dental surgery can be the perfect time to post something…with restricted actions permitted on my mouth and face, and a net connection that boasts 100.mbps (which I don’t believe is the fact), there’s not much I can do right now….and nothing much is happening either. Been feeling a bit “not so nice” about not having written anything in a while….life is going on with the flow of daily activities, in monotony, at a point where you write when the air and wind and water around permit! Been out of office for almost close to 2 weeks at a stretch now, spent more than a month on bench….and that doesn’t feel ok too. Well, well, well- sometimes such things do happen. And there’s one thing that’s best when it doesn’t happen- visit to a dentist! I don’t think you would ever look forward to that…and neither do I! But I was left without an option. An accidental fall when I was 6 has resulted in an episectomy in my upper gums above the two front teeth at the age of 26. It’s crazy, absolutely crazy and scary when such incidents come back and haunt you after 20 long years!! It’s scarier when I read about adverse effects of such surgical procedures and anesthesia in the facial muscles, nerves to which I was liberally subjected to, during the 2 hr process on the dentist’s chair. Right now am keeping my fingers crossed for a complete healing and removal of the 5 sutures this weekend- which also scares me. I recall stories where moms harass little kids with a dental visit for bad behaviour…the truth is it’s worth a story at any age for bad behaviour. Nothing compares to the sight and imagination of those weird and fear inducing tools on the tray of the dentist working in your mouth…!! I was petrified when the nurse was arranging and testing the drills, scalpels and numerous screws for the treatment. Some kind of paranoia was taking over me. And it’s horrifying when the doc comes and injects injection after injection in the name of anesthesia to carry on his excavation duties further. After minutes of drilling and scraping and suctions, he says it’s all over with a smile. And I take a deep breath and actually start breathing…the nurse reassures that it’ll be ok. Still the fear of removal of those sutures was already looming large in front of my eyes. Our brother from church had told me- this experience at the dentist is something you would never want your enemy to go through.

A drop of sweat trickled from my forehead to mouth bringing me back from the dentist’s chair to the couch…I decided to get up and walk up to my room to catch some sleep...felt a sudden gentle wind across my face… looking out of the window I saw drops of rain settling the dust on the earth, and bringing forth a fresh smell…I absorbed the smell, let it go inside and fill me…with the cool breeze on my face and the fresh smell of earth inside me- I felt …and said to myself “Glad am at home through everything”.

Panner, Cocktail and Fries

It was another rainy Saturday afternoon at Mangalore and another of Pramod’s weekend visits. Gosh!! Sometimes I wish this weekend life came to an end overnight- in fact - whatever we wish for happens overnight…!! Shucks am getting into this mode of aimless rambling these days- but that what a weekend life right after marriage and a close to three years long distance relationship can do to you at times. Ok…Coming back to what I started with- after a lazy morning that Saturday we dropped into the “PadmaSri” restaurant at Hotel Srinivas for late lunch at 3:00 pm. Hotel Srinivas is one of the oldest and established places of its kind in good old Mangalore and renown for its decent room and restaurant services. We found a table and quickly placed our order of some appetizers and rice. I just gazed around the room for familiar faces, if any- these days u could bump into an Infoscion anywhere in Mangalore J and noticed a large table of men and women seated in the ratio of 19:7. They seemed like folks from an office, attending a lunch treat hosted by their boss or something…almost all of them were in their late thirties and early forties. The waiters were extremely active and serving them tons of rotis, panner, biriyani and lip smacking spicy food. The women folk were draped in saris, adorned with fair amount of traditional gold jewellery, jasmine flowers- seated and bunched up together on one side of the table and men folk occupied the other significant portion of the table. Bottom-line- they were having a good time- enjoying the food, laughing and cracking jokes having fun on their day out of office.

My mind went back two weeks in time when Pramod and I were at Palkhi with a friend for dinner…again there was a large table of men and women seated in the ratio of some 15:13, (I sometimes have this weird sense of ratios, time and observation…pardon me for the odd ratios!!) mostly friends and probably few from family, celebrating a birthday party. All of them were in mid twenties to early thirties, and most of them- both men and women were sipping cocktails and seated in an almost alternate guy-girl arrangement. The women had straightened hair and fitting clothes, and men t-shirts and trimmed hair. Soon the birthday guy with his wife by his side cut the cake and shared it with folks around him, applauses and shouts and laughs followed. Soon our appetizers arrived and I got reminded of the masala fries we had once eaten at a place called “Cherry’s Square”- this is yet another decent hangout located near St.Agnes to attract the college guys and gals..mostly teens…when I’d been there, a strong “I am two generations older” feeling took over me…especially since I was in an outdated boring blue salwar and had tied my hair into a ponytail … most of the girls had streaked their hair purple or burgundy or red…had fancy bangs and ear, nose, lip piercings….they broke into giggles for everything…not to mention the guys with cool long hair and funky t-shirts and beards. It was a semi open-air atmosphere, with tables for twos or fours only, some cool music playing in the background and had a designer washbasin made out of clear glass cut into the shape of a perfect semi circular sphere…I ordered some pizzas and a delicious hot fudge chocolate sundae after the masala fries. The burgers, pizzas, sandwiches here were tailored to the spicy Indian tongue, and perfectly fit the fast food category fondly addressed as junk by all health freaks! Guys and gals were in groups of two or four, guy and girl in the ratio of 1:1, usually biting into the burgers or digging into sundaes.

I came to reality at some steaming, hot rice placed before me and mentioned to Pramod my string of thoughts. He spoke about his mom and dad…on a fresh morning his dad brings blossomed flowers from their garden and gives it to mom, on days their boys are engrossed in their own worlds the parents go for a regional movie in the theatre near home and have dosa at their favorite place, they take walks at night in the colony park and these parents are in their sixties….we smiled at each other for my funny string of thoughts that jumped from generation to generation..…hasn’t each age group defined leisure in their own terms and drawn lines to enjoy daily life at their own limitations and disposal? It’s beautiful to simply watch this!! As the gap between sexes continues to dwindle with time- a question came to my mind…Are we able to embrace the change from generation to generation?? Or are we even supposed to embrace this change? Should we ignore the change and continue in our boundaries, or explore and taste what the world offers to every new generation?

They are everywhere- everything!..

I boarded the bus to KMC for a doctor visit and this bus was taking a longer route than usual- thanks to my Kannada illiteracy. I soon found a place to sit and looked at the woman right beside me- an old woman, faded blue sari, silver grey hair tied in a bun, wrinkled fair skin, clutching her bag tightly and gazing out of the window. Soon the bus was getting crowded…a school girl with a heavy bag, a bunch of giggling college gals, a mom with 3 kids struggling on a single seat, a middle aged woman with a heavy basket of vegetables, an Infoscion.…and one thing bound them all together- strength of womanhood. The wrinkled blue woman’s eyes radiated love, peace, kindness and an unspeakable strength- a certain endurance that had perfected itself with age and experience. She had played her part well. The endurance had passed the tests of perfection in every role she played- played with a passion to exemplify.

A woman’s mind is the single most efficient processor I’ve ever come across with amazing multi processing and multi tasking capabilities- attending a crying baby and/or complaining children, taking an offshore call, folding clean clothes, throwing dirty clothes in the laundry bag, cooking for today, putting away leftovers for tomorrow, cleaning the kitchen, preparing the bed- all at the same time!! It is not limited to that. My mom has two servants helping her- to them doing house work meant an earning for living, but the living had a deeper meaning which echoed passionately inside them daily- one wanted her younger sister to have a good wedding and another her own house for a lakh rupees. To a mother getting her son into that professional college, to a grandmother getting her grand daughter those precious diamond earrings, to a teacher getting her class an “all-pass” status, to a college girl getting that Miss Mangalore, to a nun spreading God’s love to win souls, to a women entrepreneur achieving the Best CEO title- all become passions- what an array of varying passions!! The passion- big, small, important, unimportant, easy, tough- by regular standards of the universe don’t matter- she knows what she wants and that is the very meaning of her existence on the face of earth. The strength to attain grows stronger- attain at all consequences- giving her mind, body, spirit and soul to it.

My train of thoughts was interrupted as I heard the shout- “KMC”. I entered the hospital lobby and found myself staring into the tons of lady nurses, pharmacists, receptionists, students, and cleaners- playing their part, all playing it with that passion and strength, they keeping the ball rolling, contributing to the movement of a day. And as I walked into the consultation room my doctor smiled at me- she was surrounded by tons of patients, students, duty doctors and junior doctors with queries, concerns, issues, thanks, tears- amidst all that- she was enduring, smiling, above all- saving lives!!!

To you woman- the perfect embodiment of strength and sentiment….my tribute reads “Hail! Blessed art thou among mankind”.

Satisfied or Delighted- maybe perplexed!!

I walked into the cafeteria for breakfast at 9:50 am today and it was near closing time. The guy at the billing counter prints my coupons before I ask- he usually knows what everyone ate regularly, smart guy wearing the customer satisfaction hat. I noticed the last scoop of poha being dished out for me. As I was eating spoonfuls of my favourite onion poha and sipping tea, my mind went to Chipotle’s burritos…Chipotle was just few minutes walk from my earlier apartment and was the place for lunch, brunch or dinner- for some it was regular and for some a way out in emergency. The beauty was the humongous filling burritos filled with rice, beans, guacamole and veggies sometimes came as freebies. And those sometimes were usually closing times at about 9:50 pm at night. The burrito either came out free or in the form of a coupon for later use. And that concept delights me!! Hard Rock Café serves an amazing free sundae to the birthday guy/gal and Hertz gives out free rentals on random weekends. Not to sound like a maniac desperate to grab freebies :- )) but the point is, I see a delighted customer, coming back over and over again.

Not sure free last scoops of poha at closing time results in a loss for Palkhi. Do we often see the “give you more for less”- a “delight” scenario in the normal day to day service industry here…in the fast food place, or book store, or ice cream parlor, or grocery or apparel store?? To me there appears to be some hidden complex equation that rarely benefits the end user in the freebie. A leading beauty and fitness chain in India gave out free coupons worth thousands of rupees for registering in some skin treatment – but you go over it and realize 99% cannot be used- leaving behind a frustrated and irritated customer- maybe they were better off not giving and advertising those coupons. The “buy one, get one free” offer mostly leads you to picking one with excitement and leaves bad choices for the second one. Those extra 20%, 30% offers either have some built-in costs or take a toll on quality. In the beauty parlor, I need to accumulate 500 points for a free facial; each point attributed to 10 bucks- Am never going to get that free facial in my lifetime with a job that requires relocation, or by the time I accumulate 500 points the free facial won’t seem attractive- blame it on the time-value of money!!

At the workplace we are urged- to give “delight” to our clientele overseas- give additional documentation, fix those existing bugs, suggest performance improvements, complete before time and so on…!! Am I not able to see the “delight” I get from the services I pay for, or is it merely absent? Or are they hung on the “let me be safe”, “this growth is enough” territory and not taking those small subtle risks which could possibly result in more??!! Someone else has been there, done that and seen the results. Is it ok to inherit their idea, if not invent ours? Is moving to “Customer Delight” from “Customer Satisfaction” tough, or labeled unnecessary in my small world?

a christmas weekend

It was a rainy afternoon in Milwaukee- rains with wind and snow feels like the wrath of nature has poured down on mankind. I had finished packing and put the box of warm brownies on top of my bag with a chuckle. Wouldn’t we relish them in the middle of the woods, before a fire place in our log cabins, after a race on our snow mobiles??!! I was all set to leave for Chicago to catch up with one of my greatest buddies from college, and her co-workers- and from there drive up north to Paradise, Michigan for a snow mobiling expedition over Christmas. Sounds like a plan for the long weekend!! The Amtrak train tugged into Union Station, Chicago in 2 hours and I met up with the gang in downtown. Once home, Sachin and Prajyot called up Paradise to confirm our snow mobile bookings and they gave us a little piece of news- the rains had brought about a major drop in the snow levels as a result of which snow mobiling was closed for the weekend. To hell with Paradise- we thought and ate the brownies in the living room to fight our depression. I went a step ahead and insisted going to church that evening, since I had 2 full days left at Chicago anyways. The gang cheered me up and assured me 48 hours of useful time-pass to make up for the loss. I gave a discontent smile. But the hosts resolved to make their guest feel better.

They dropped me at church and set off to pick dinner from Garib Nawaz@Devon- when I got home, I was digging into hot spicy mutton biriyani in no time with Dada…while Sudha, Sachin and Prajyot ate rotis. After dinner I was back to my older mood and asked about the plan for the next day…Prajyot suggested Villa Olivia at suburb Chicago for snow tubing. I cried out cribbing and exclaiming I’d done that umpteen times in Milwaukee...they smiled back at their unruly guest and we started discussing trip options from Iowa to Wisconsin to Ohio till we feel asleep. I woke up to smell Dada’s fresh ginger tea brewing in the kitchen and noticed Sachin preparing brunch for all of us. I picked up one of the think pads and started checking my emails and trip options again...In a chat with Sachin over upma; I learnt he was Pramod’s junior in college. A small world indeed!! Time rolled by and it was very well past noon and we were hungry again…With no other plan materializing, I was doomed to snow-tubing at Villa Olivia- will never forget that name- the brutal substitute to Paradise, Michigan. I cursed the rains and tried to improve my mood over some pancakes, omelettes and chocolate sundae at my all time favourite- IHOP. From about 3:00pm we kept tubing till dark and my physical battery was down- I refused to stop tubing and was having a swell time in snow with the gang!! The evening moved on with few hours of pool and a satiating Indo-Chinese dinner at Hot Wok.

Next morning Sudha and myself decided to spend some time together in our girls’ world and went to a Salon for my haircut- got one of the shortest cuts I’ve ever had, that left me with steps that I still carry on…we then proceeded to Victoria’s on Michigan Avenue and spent hours on productive shopping end of which I was completely thrilled….Sachin picked us up and promised good dinner at an Italian place. After a carry out from Taco Bell, we lazed around at home and by evening Sudha wanted ice creams. We drove miles to catch some delicious Sundaes in a small corner shop in a Mexican locality. Watched Shrek before dinner on home DVD and walked to Maggianos for the best Pastas and desserts I’ve ever had. Way back home I gave them a content smile. The gang insisted on driving to Milwaukee that night to drop me…and when they left my apartment I said a sad goodbye. Our long weekend fulfilled the definition of a perfect holiday and the gang is simply amazing in their own ways!! They had treated me to the best hospitalities making my Christmas weekend unforgettable!! And I promised the gang a trip to Water Street and tons of beer....at Milwaukee!!

Sachin is joining b-school at Virginia, Dada successfully continuing his stint at Blue Cross Blue Shield, Prajyot left for India 3 days before I did, and Sudha is getting married tomorrow at her home town in India. Hey Sudha- Cheers to the good times we’ve had together since time immemorial….and good luck as you embark on this new journey!!!!

Is my cup half empty?

Determination, if carried to one extreme makes me so stubborn I would never risk a change. On another note the same determination makes me stubborn to reach a goal I would risk everything to get it. It’s not about determination- its energy. Energy is neither positive nor negative – but solely how we utilize it. Any energy is neutral till we personalize it, and this personalization gives it a positive or negative form. And I’ve realized negative energy destroys the spirit, soul and body- an all consuming hunger, feeding on life- adjectives like sad, gloomy, depressing, dark, dull, heavy, irritable, touchy take dominion.

I learnt we get into this negative energy trap in pessimism … Pessimism can be damaging- constant pessimism brews a negative whirlwind inside us. When something negative happens, how about mitigating it rather than dwelling on it. How about keeping the subconscious clear and practicing random acts of good will….anyways responding to negative with negative doesn’t help, it only doubles the negative levels. If someone threw a porcupine at us, would we catch it?? Then why do we catch the negative energy directed to us? We are solely in charge of what goes into us. Read this quote somewhere, written by a famous stoic and it makes perfect sense….

The mind in itself wants nothing,
Unless it creates a want for itself;
Therefore it is both free from perturbation and unimpeded,
If it does not perturb and impede itself.

grown ups!

Thats my sis (in red) with one of her old school friends, at my wedding in Chennai. Wow!! Little girls in skirts transformed to lovely, young ladies today.

My sis asked me about orkut sometime back and I told her- "Uh! I've heard about it- but am not interested!" and forgot about Orkut for the next months, till one day- my team mate opened up orkut and showed me his pictures, friends, scraps and tons of things. I asked him to bring up my sis' profile and saw her there- her picture, interests, books and passions. She had grown up and that realization dawned on me that minute!!! From when I left home for college till now I dont know how the years of life rolled between us. The day I got to my Mangalore office after my return to India, she had sent me a zip file of her most recent pictures. I called Pavana with excitement and showed her all the snaps of sis and asked her if she could reconcile to the growing up process. I suddenly see my tiny sis with porcupine hair, blossomed into a personality- an individual, a kind of her own and I had missed the metamorphosis. My mom used to talk about her to me on our calls and we both spoke too- but the growth process cannot be understood on telephone wires. And today I see her, having distinct ideas and thoughts, aims and ambitions, likes and dislikes- a carved out person. Had we spent time at home through these years, living and growing up together, maybe the change would'nt have been so apparent, so defined.

So, not to worry- here's me wishing her good will and peace throughout, as she battles with key decisions and questions inside her.

our visit to Liberty Island

The bestest picture on my most memorable trip...ain't i the perfect amalgam of my parents :-))) the two months my parents lived with me were the greatest times i've ever had in my life and been the happiest. i wish hard to re-live those days. i love you and miss you both mom and dad.

About 8 months back in time...

I was excited on my way to the OHare airport- my parents had arrived, completing the long journey from India. i hurried to Terminal 5 to pick them up. After a quick exchange of smiles and hugs, we started driving back to Milwaukee and as we entered my apartment in Juneau Village Towers, a surge of good feelings came over me. I was going to spend 2 whole months with my mom and dad, after 8 whole years and had been looking forward to it so long!!

Slowly they caught up with the jet lag and settled down pretty good to the cold, windy weather and started enjoying the new environment. Days rolled by fast with trips to nearby places almost every weekend and awesome food on week days. Each day I returned from office to some great pudding or hot vadas or something to whet my appetite. Our trip to NYC was quite memorable- the flight journeys in wee hours of the morning, stay at RK uncle's house, rides in the subway amidst the bomb threat, my dad's excitement at the wax museum, mom's zoology fundaes at the museums, our improved map reading skills and so on will never fade from our memories. And right after our trip I went thro a sore time of bacterial infections- but even that seemed less painful with mom bringing me hot mashed rice and water at the right times and her concerned voice constantly reminding me to take my medicines. Not to forget our Sunday routine- a trip to the Chicago church, we used to actually prepare for the trip and start early morning.... after a good time of songs, testimonies and a great sermon- have some good lunch, drop at some mall or Walmart mostly, do the weekly shopping on 27th Street, get home for dinner and then gear up for the next week. Every Sunday had this routine- no additions or deletions. In about 2 weeks time beautiful fall colours started adorning the streets of Milwaukee and long walks to the lake front only made it much better.

But soon time came for my dad to head back home- I knew I would miss him...he is always my source of encouragement- right from sitting with me at the navigator's seat to giving me fundaes on market trends and work life. Even today I miss the long talks we used to have till late at night, chatting about our daily lives and sharing views and discussing every possible topic under the sky. However I put up a strong face and decided to enjoy the remaining few weeks stay with mom. We drove back alone to Milwaukee and as I dropped the car at Hertz that night, thoughts of dad crossed my mind. Monday came by and I got into the mode of working, studying for a LOMA exam, and so on. Mom and myself spent time together on spiritual activies- one of my friends Stephen had invited us to his place for an evening of fellowship and prayer, Christmas not being far away- we attended a musical in the Assmeblies of God church, and so on. She enjoyed every day it snowed and was adapted herself beautifully to the weather and winds, wrapping herself in layers of sweaters and gloves and thermals and mufflers. My mom started attending the church in Milwaukee in all her free time...and my pastor gets a twinkle in her eye, when she makes a remark on mom....Our after service sunday trips included Devon or visits to SouthRidge. The trip I most loved with mom was our visit to the Shedd Aquarium at Chicago on Thanksgiving- she got into the bottom of explaining the sea animals and crabs with the same enthusiam as she used to, when I was a kid...the Dolphin shows, beluga whales, sea anemones and all seemed very exciting to me- only because my mom was with me and elaborating. And slowly the day i hated the most arrived- it was time for my mom to leave...I really really made up my mind to appear strong at OHare when she leaves. that sunday hertz decided to give me a 4x4 subaru sedan to elevate my moods...we went to the church on Jackson St nearby for a quick service and mom prepared my lunch and dinner that morning...our good friend yash decided to accompany us and in a matter of few hours mom left. that night i prayed alone at home.

the roomie thing :-)

dated 13th june 2006

Today my roomie pinged me on messenger at about 7:30pm and asked if I was done for the day. Shortly we both decided to leave- I walked down to the lobby and she was waiting for me…we smiled at each other and started moving out of the office…Seeja and myself share similar tastes- thanks to 15th May!!! Yes, we share birthdays and the Taurean qualities have been bestowed generously on both of us…suddenly it dawned on us that we didn’t have a thing in our fridge to fix dinner. Decided to pay a quick visit to Anna’s shop near our office. Anna has been the faithful supplier of maggi, biscuits, any small time groceries, fresh lime sodas and not to mention cigarettes for most of us- since time immemorial and his business grows proportional to our organization’s. But that day he didn’t have the greatest of veggies and we needed fruits- so we took the bus to Big Bazaar. Nowadays Big Bazaar (BB) seems to be the rocking place at Mangalore. Occupying the entire basement and almost 35% of Bharat Mall, it is the one stop shop for all of us, meets all our needs, end to end- giving the nearby, “once a upon a time famous” Saibeen complex a complete run. Not to mention, the ADLabs that has captured the hearts of young and old, students, professionals and everyone, bringing home the latest movies in the best possible ways.

As we entered the mall, my eyes caught the attention of the chocolate pottery machine at the candy shop, pouring out warm, melting chocolate instead of clay….- I could see my roomie getting tempted at the chocolate rush…well, who wouldn’t?!! After a round of lip smacking chocolate feast, we walked right into the clothes section of the BB…We girls have this certain tendency for shopping- short of a single word to describe it…to a woman its a good friend, a mood elevator, natural anti depressant, a serious hobby or a casual time killer, sometime the sole reason for existence of a weekend!! Women and shopping have a great chemistry that no man would ever comprehend and by the way, we are happy about it in our own ways! After an hour of applying every possible decision making skill, I picked up a sky blue kurta which I’d been craving for long! Yes, its an irony that it took an hour to pick what I’d been longing for months- but that’s how we are!! and my poor roomie unable to settle on a second salwar for the buy 1 get 1 free offer, had to forgo her fond first one too. But not to get disappointed, the black t-shirt which she’d set her eyes on last week, came flashing to her memory and we rushed to The Depot on I floor praying it wasn’t sold out. She was lucky enough and right after we entered Pantaloons. Glad to see a changed Pantaloon showroom… 2.5 yrs back the stuff wasn’t as good and so were the prices. Fighting hard against temptation to pick more clothes, we walked about from aisle to aisle evaluating the trends and patterns.

Suddenly we realized our intention of coming to BB and decided to go down for the fresh fruits. For most of us, fortunately or unfortunately dinner invariably becomes the significant meal of our day. Fortunately because we get a relaxed and peaceful meal- add to that the luxury of having it at home sometimes, and unfortunate as dinner is not the healthiest time of the day to satiate one’s food cravings and appetite- which we land up doing mostly. My roomie and myself have a certain (healthier??!!) pattern for dinner- we mostly try to thrive on fruits at nights…not sure if it’s the motivation to cut down calories or the lack of drive to cook a full dinner at times, or simply the loss of appetite- we eat fruits at least three to four nights a week, getting our share of vitamins, minerals and all that stuff and we are happy about it again- aren’t we Seeja??!! As we completed the billing formalities, our minds raced to the Pizza Hut in the mall…the less crowded weekday more accentuated our desire for a hot, cheesy, delicious, calorie loaded pizza. There we were, munching away the pizza promised and delivered in 17 minutes. We contemplated over the desserts and made a wise decision of staying away from them- talk of health and people who eat fruits at dinner!! With a stomach full of good dinner, mind free of worry and heart full of memories, we ended the day with a loud gong on the Pizza Hut bell. I realized- it’s not the BB, nor the Kurta, nor the pizza, nor the fruits- but the girls’ evening together!!!

And it conquers all..

dated 10th June 2006

Inspired by one of the posts on MngLeisure (that’s our office bulletin board) and the lovely rains in Mangalore, I longed to visit the Jog Falls- the highest waterfall in Asia, about 6 hours away from here. Pramod was planning to spend the weekend at Mangalore and so we decided we’d make a small trip to Jog- our first trip after our honeymoon in Manali. We met at Mangalore and our relationship bloomed from an acquaintance, to friend, to a good friend, to my fiancé to my better half. After my trip back to India for good, we got married in April 06 and are still continuing our long distance relationship successfully…!

On the crisp Saturday morning, we set out to the Hampankatta bus station to board a bus to Shimoga district- where the river Sharavati breaks into Jog Falls on the Western Ghats. The long journey to the closest place near Jog was pretty uneventful with both of us dozing away most of the time. On reaching Sagar, which is 27 kms from Jog, we took one of the local buses to the falls. It was a fairly crowded bus filled with mostly vendors, school kids and the localites traveling to places between Sagar and Jog. Famished from the day long journey, which was thankfully blessed with a pleasant weather owing to the calm monsoons, in an otherwise hot area- we had our lunch of biscuits, bread and other snacks in the bus itself. Odd enough, the bus took about 2 hrs to cover the cruel 27 kms to reach its final destination- making stops at every single kilometer to pick and drop off the passengers at settlements strewn across the entire stretch. Add to it the long wait at a weekly market in one the villages midway, for loading and unloading the produce. It felt like this local bus was the only one this route ever saw…for it took ages to reach the most awaited destination. I wondered if they mock when they say “Happiness is found along the road and not at the end of the journey”…!!

And finally at 4:00 pm the bus drove into the Jog Falls tourism area and dropped us off at the falls. A slight drizzle started and I cringed at what the weather was turning out to be… Pramod patiently took out the umbrellas and gave one to me with a smile- I like the calm he usually displays…we walked towards the regular view point to catch the breathtaking view of the tallest falls. And lo- I could see just 3 streams of water!!! Raja, Rani, Roarer and Rocket are the nicknames to the 4 falls that comprise “Jog Falls”. For some reason the water level was not that great and one of them was near to invisible. My heart sank and wishes dwindled. Within minutes a guide came running towards us and offered to give us a ride to 4 scenic viewpoints to better appreciate the beauty of the falls. We decided to go for it and got into an old ambassador with another couple- as the car bumped through the hills, I was praying we get a good view and trying to raise my hopes. After a short walk we reached the highest point from which we could see the dip and feel the spray of the waterfall on our faces- ok, it felt a bit better. After enjoying the view points, the guide left us at a restaurant where we both relished idlis and steaming cups of tea. We were so hungry and tired, and add to it the disappointment of a feeble waterfall.

After our early dinner, we walked out and came to the regular view point. Cleaned the stone benches and made some place to sit. It was past sunset but still bright, the air smelled fresh and I could feel a mild chill on my skin. Clouds were desceding down on the valley and covered the area before us. Through the clouds we could got a faint view of the falls. It was suddenly very refreshing- felt good. Slowly the clouds started rising and cleared up, we could see a full moon- so complete and beautiful. We walked back from the viewpoint towards our bus gazing at the full moon, hand in hand. We never spoke anything- yet everything was so perfect. Way back home I slept in his arms- and nothing mattered- the tiring journey, the boring bus, the feeble waterfall- they all vanished away in my dreams.

Musings

dated 26th Oct 2005

After taking coffee at 3:00pm from Cyber Café today, I walked up to the East Building, to say Hi to a business client..actually 2 of them, Melissa and Laurie- both good friends of mine…located at E15K with beautiful cubicles by the window on the 15th floor…they were not at their desk and I was waiting for them, looking out of the window and pondering…Of late I’ve been thinking about priorities, future and life in general quite a bit…and exploring about what I really wanted in life…Just then another client Martha came by and told me that these ladies were at a meeting and casually started talking to me…She had a charming, pleasant personality and was brimming with confidence…soon after, she left for the day. Martha is working with the Life Products portfolio (which is our business group) - quite a successful and senior person at work, seemed to be in her late 30s…I glanced around her cubicle and this is what I saw- A nice smiling picture of her husband and herself, picture of her 3 little kids on her desktop, and lots of books on law and insurance. To me it seemed like she was a nice, contented woman- happily married with kids and a great family and a decent job! My other 2 clients are also married with 2 great kids each and are well settled religious people.

After I moved to my current project as a Business Analyst- I have started liking the work and the role…in fact after every 2 or 3 hour meeting at the East Building with the business folks, I usually feel good and think about the client roles…the work they did seemed to be interesting and suited personal life as well. NM seems to be a good place to work, if you feel a particular role suits you, you can express desire to work on that role and continue on that role- giving sufficient time for family. Most of the men and women I work with on I.S and Business side are likewise…they are mostly happy, contented people who love their families and are religious- but may not be the richest of people. For them it is Family, God and Country in order and then career. May not be the Tier 1 list of successful people- but this is so different from the Indian work culture. Somehow sometimes there is too much pressure, too much of drive and tension, but at the same time good money- and that’s inevitable, coz we are in a situation where we need to excel in everything- there is peer pressure!! And sometimes this pressure swallows one so much that we tend to forget certain basic principles and values in life- sometimes I feel most of us are greedy, selfish, jealous and unhappy- bcoz of this pressing need to excel, need to grow!!! This Indian corporate culture is not at all bad- it has promoted growth and success and that is why the organization and people are growing. But it fails to excite me- neither onsite nor offshore- both the work and corporate culture. Am I not adaptable to such roles- is this corporate culture not my cup of tea?? The job is very stable, very safe, very prestigious…but leaves me confused on my priorities in life. I really love the insurance and finance part of the work I do. Would I love a job on the business side at a company in a small place- and meet the purpose of giving sufficient time to building a good family and having a great personal life?? What is life without time to love kids, go to church and love my religion??? Not sure how feasible it is- and if I’d be content in a job like that, living in a place like that, and working in a company like that!! I rest my case to my source of eternal strength- Almighty, and continue to ponder.

Not very sure this makes sense and what I think is correct. But probably serves as a check point for my goals and priorities in life- whether what I am doing now will lead me to where I want to be based on my wishes in the big picture of life and the happiness quotient. I read the 2 paragraphs again- but do not concur with all the points and thoughts! A rather strange state of ambivalence to be in….is this what they call the crisis of the mid 20s????

crimson flames..

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There’s no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me….

The song brought back railing memories. Many years back, changes happened- almost every change hurt, some were short lived and some were not. Some stay with me, in me and will be with me forever to haunt me of the past and some have withered away. Changes stole pieces of me, pieces that can’t be put together easily- instilling memories I carry on and on, those pieces walking with me. Change took me through a crazy path, got me used to the feeling of missing. I couldn’t be there then and it seemed I couldn’t get there ever- a voice kept telling me he would be there and I would get there sometime. They told me my wish will be done soon…but there was no control, I lost myself- to things around me, there I was- losing myself to the air, water and wind around me, breathing every breath of life…immersed in present, not worried about the next. Still the missing grew strong. But the mind proved stronger- and once resolved, can overcome anything, anything under the sky. Then I resolved- mind overtook emotions…ultimately mind ruled the heart. The missing became a part of me, got assimilated inside of me and thereon I never missed. The crimson flames were dying to be vanquished by the sudden gush of togetherness- but it never happened. Life goes on….

the alpha

a little step towards organizing ideas, storing some nice memories, a public diary on the web....felt this first post should be dedicated to the significance of "beginning"- the alpha (technically though my picture was the first post!)

we are all thrilled about beginnings. the word "new" brings a fresh smell, a lighted hope, a better year, renewed optimism. the beginning of civilizations and revolutions have made leaders and history, changed the lives of human race. excitement floods us when we face the first day in college, join our first job, have the first child..and so on. no one is disappointed to start off on a new venture- the feelings of that first moment, first smiles, day one always remains. and we also make resolutions every new year- with every passing year make a wish. We give our hearts, souls and minds in working towards fulfilling that wish. We want to give the "new" wish a completion. all efforts are channelized toward that wish and desire. with time mind starts craving and dying to meet the wish- the positive energies at the beginning are translating to various other energies desparate to meet the goal. slowly we start seeing the completion of that wish, meeting of the goal, and when the wish gets fulfilled, the end seems better. an irony there- end was better that the beginning! the preacher in the bible says "better is the end of something than the beginning". the end, marked completion of many success stories, pains and worries. yet the end never died, it taught many lessons and inspiried new lives- turned them to looking at completing the race they began. from the beginning we are looking forward to an end. the alpha seeks its end. why do i see life full of conflicting patterns and idiosyncrasies??!!

and so there goes- the beginning of my crimsonflamez on blogspot!!